Is there anything in a name at all? Of course, there is… The name!

What is a name? Why do you even need one – when that’s the last thing you are trying to remember the next morning, looking for your clothes under a new cot! Some people even have a second name, as though the first was not lame enough! If you wanted unique, proper nouns for names, half the world shouldn’t have been “John.” And the other half, desperately trying not to be John, shouldn’t have become Tom, Dick, Hairy or all three together.

Indian names are long. That explains why the Indian people don’t have a second name – which is otherwise an initial and stands for three immediate male ancestors or/and their native towns. Imagine a westerner having to call an Indian, initially as Mr. V and later, more friendly, by his first name as Venkatasaivenkiparupulaxmansivaramakrishnan… (full stop!)

As an Indian, one finds it difficult filling up forms of foreign origin. They usually ask for a first, middle and a last name. There is no task more difficult than this! Not least because an Indian does not have three names… most Indians do have three names: take for instance, Har Bhajan Singh, Yuv Raj Singh, Man Mohan Singh, Shah Rukh Khan, Sal Man Khan, but because it is quite cumbersome trying to tell which is which! Finally, it only leaves you wondering whether Mr. Khans outnumber Mr. Singhs or the other way round.

Of course, this is notwithstanding all the other names the general public might throw upon you, all in a day’s work. While driving in India, one is christened so many times by auto-rickshaw drivers. A lot of them are too common and repetitive that we just decide they are not unique enough retain. So we just pass it on along the way… arey Be#@nC#0!

With the number of babies born by the minute in India, we are soon running out of meaningful and unique names. It may not be long before we might have to make do with serial numbers. But as the number of digits seem to be too long for a standard A4 page, it seems that the government will have to come up with new ideas to solve this nominal Y2K in its free time, when not sponsoring riots. Or, we can just name our hapless babies Tom, Dick, Harry or Venkatasaivenkiparupulaxmansivaramakrishnan! – after all, what is there in a name?